“Write, For These Words Are True and Faithful”

Alright, I won’t deny the obvious – I’ve been gone for quite a while. It has been almost an entire year since my last interaction with Weather in April – over a year since my last website post. I’ve felt terrible about it if you want to know the truth, laden with guilt as I watched notifications come through from all angles that I would never open or respond to. I just could not get myself to engage.

So what happened? Where did I go? Why did I disappear?

I’m not asking these questions to try and draw intrigue, as if this is the start of some forensic investigation case. No, these are the questions I have asked myself for months. Why did I allow myself to fall off the radar, or as it’s more honestly referred to, to isolate?

Let’s rewind to where I left off:

September 2022: Intracranial Hypertension Awareness Month. I was all in it. I was even ready to introduce more videos and make live interviews a regular occurrence. Would podcasts even be in my future soon? I hustled hard that month, and my body let me know it. By the end, it was clear I had overdone it.

October 2022: I considered taking a break, but really I had too many ideas I wanted to execute. In between flare ups of pressure and pain, I began interviewing others about their experiences to help with my next post. I was excited to get started on some new material.

But then a different pain hit. And hit. Again and again. Going on for months and still occurring to this day. Our family began to experience some difficult situations, sometimes making me wish I could trade in the emotional pain for the physical that I was used to. Our lives felt turned upside down.

The Past

I apologize, dear reader, for being vague as to what exactly has been happening this past year. But please realize I was not the only one affected and would like to respect the privacy of the others who were. On the other side of things, I’m simply not ready to tell this story yet. The testimony part that I love to share so much has yet to unfold; we are all still being tested. I just know I can’t allow that to continue to keep me silent.

When they talk about labor pains in the Bible, I can see what they mean. Difficult situations, stronger and closer together, all gearing up to birth who knows what. I mean, in the Bible, we know what, but here on earth, it’s hard to see.

And that’s just where we are – in labor. Nothing beautiful or miraculous has been birthed yet. Still, we are holding onto the hope that it’s coming.

So why am I writing if there is no resolution to the conflict in this story? Because I need to. I have to.

For several months, I have gone back and forth on this. For most of these months, my heart felt too heavy to write. Then when any moment of lightness appeared, I started to question if this was still the path God wanted me to take. What if that season was over? I began to feel as if I couldn’t pen one more word unless God moved my hand for me. I didn’t want to act out of His will and write based off my own passions and desires. I wanted it to be from Him. Except any prayer I had about the subject seemed to go unanswered.

A cycle began to form. My passion to write would grow. Then conflict would hit, deterring me from writing. I felt like I was wasting time, yet how could I even jump back in at this point? Where would I fall? What if I went all in and got burnt out? My hesitation turned into anxiety.

Then… perhaps hope…

The Present

Recently, our church hosted a “Creative Night”, a gathering for those within the body who had a special place in their heart for the arts. On this night, I felt as if so many of my questions were answered, such as, “Why do I feel hindered?” , “Is it OK for me to create?” , and “How do I know if it’s me or God?”

After the message, we were to break off into random groups. God called my attention over to the left where three random women sat skewed. I felt led to immediately make my way to them. As it turns out, they all shared the same love to write!

Even more interesting, I had imagined that “Creative Night” would be filled with people active in their passions, as opposed to me being in far more than a dry spell. Instead, I discovered that not one person in our group was fully operating in their gift. They were all, again like me, wanting to use their gifts but feeling hindered, discouraged, lost, and confused.

I began to think, what if every person in the room that night felt that way? What if we were all holding back on our God-given gifts? And what more if we all suddenly started to use them?

Could you imagine the way God’s glory could be revealed if His creation began creating within the earth? It would be as if 100 witnesses suddenly gained their voice and started to proclaim the gospel. How much more would the earth be impacted if we all stepped into our calling? If we loosened from the enemy’s stronghold of lies and didn’t hold back?

What chain reaction could be started if I simply began to write again? If an artist painted a new picture? If a musician strummed a new song? How beautiful would life start to be if we became who we were meant to be?

The Future

It’s been almost a year since I’ve written anything other than a journal entry. I’m rusty. I’m out of the loop with the latest social media trends. My phone is from the quarantine era of 2020, in lack of the latest update. And my business cards still have the old Twitter bird logo.

But I don’t think any of that matters.

There is only one thing I keep hearing in my mind, the same words God told me back in 2018 when He first inspired me to start this outreach: “Write, for these words are true and faithful.” – Revelation 21:5

I don’t know what the future holds with this. I barely even know what the present holds for me. But I do know He has given me the gift and desire to write. And I believe He will remain true and faithful in the process.

So thank You, Lord, for being patient with me this past year. And thank You for being with me. Please continue to guide my steps. I can’t wait to see how You move.