Don’t Worry about Tomorrow

It was February of 2018 when I decided that I could no longer hold a job. I had to get my health under control.

But I will be honest. I did not make this decision willingly.

I loved my job. I had been there almost six years, and I had worked my way up to my dream position, complete with my own office. How could anyone expect me to just let go?

My husband and I had been comfortable in our jobs. We had been renting an apartment for years. We finally had our first child. We were ready for the next big step of buying a house. I daydreamed endlessly about this promotion and how it would help create our future.

Except now I was sick. Medical bills stacked and debt accumulated, pushing our future further and further away.

But can you believe I was in a hospital bed for the second time in three weeks still trying to convince my husband that I could go back to work? For some reason, being bedridden for weeks straight hadn’t been enough to make me realize it was time to let go.

Worry filled my mind. We couldn’t afford to live off of one income, and we fell in that wonderful middle bracket where we would never qualify for any sort of help. I simply didn’t see any other choice but to work.

But I couldn’t. And if I couldn’t, then what would become of us?

To make matters worse, the devil continually taunted me. In my mind, I was still young and healthy, so I felt as though I was being lazy by not working. I didn’t want to try to live off of the government. I didn’t want to sit around all day if I still had good days where I could be working. My mind was filled with guilt. I read scriptures about how God honors the diligent who work hard whereas the lazy would never be rewarded. I didn’t want to be known as lazy.

But then I thought, you know, the devil knows the scriptures, too.

I confessed my worries to others and asked them to pray with me. They reassured me that God knew our situation, and I was able to view things a little brighter than before. I went back to the Scriptures.

Matthew & Luke… Do not worry! Worrying doesn’t add any extra time to your life. Don’t worry about what you will eat or drink or what you will wear. Look around instead at how God provides. The birds don’t work, but they are fed. Are we not more valuable to God than them? God dresses the fields with flowers so beautiful that not even King Solomon had clothes so grand. If God dresses grass which will be dead tomorrow, then how much more will he clothe you? So don’t worry about tomorrow. Take one day at a time, and above all, seek God first.

When I began to focus on our blessings instead of our needs, the worry started to fade away. I found out that friends and family had been donating money to help us. People were fixing us meals and buying our groceries. Some even offered to pay our rent or bills. The lease for our car ended at the same time I received my last paycheck, lessening our load even more. My son was no longer on formula. It was all of the small things, showing us that we were being taken care of.

A true miracle came when my tending hospital finally offered financial assistance and compensation for my medical bills, right at the same time that my health insurance deductible was met! I would be able to receive the treatment I needed without having to hesitate based off of financial concerns. While the hospital may never say this was their fault, my bills were reimbursed all the way back to the beginning of this condition developing. God had finally answered our prayers and removed even more of our burden.

When I sat down and actually counted our blessings, I realized that we would be perfectly fine for even months ahead. We would have so much time to focus on managing my health instead of worrying and stressing over work and provisions.

And as far as feeling lazy, the Scriptures never said what type of work I needed to be doing. They just said work hard and work for God. My good days could be used to glorify Him after all!

I might have been trying to plan our future, but at this time, I knew that planning anything only showed control. And me being in control only showed that I doubted God being in control. It was time to let go and trust our God – Jehovah Jireh, our Provider.