Searching the Heart

Recently, our country was hit with the painful reminder that there is still so much hate residing within us that needs to be addressed.

This hate is nothing new. Racism is nothing new.

In fact, as time grows closer each day to the end of time altogether, we sadly cannot be surprised by this spirit of division attacking us. However, that doesn’t mean we have to condone it.

It All Begins in the Heart

Growing up on the outskirts of New Orleans, “The Melting Pot”,  my community was nothing but diverse in both color and culture. And though I am a white woman from a white family, I was thankfully raised by parents who instilled in us to love everyone and to treat others as we would want to be treated.

Though I was never taught racism, I could quickly gather from the actions and comments of others that such a thing existed. Judgement of others was not hidden from me even in my youngest of years. It was almost as if people didn’t even understand what they were saying. How could they judge someone they didn’t even know? How could anyone base their assessment just off the color of their skin? What happened to learning the content of their character?

As I became older, as I read more books, saw more movies, witnessed more events, I realized the sickening hate that could be in people’s hearts.

I remember as a teenager receiving a tough lecture for being the only white girl hanging out with a couple of black guys – good, God-fearing black guys. Apparently, there were “other people” out there who still had racism in their hearts and would judge us (or worse).

But by the time this conversation came to be, I knew “not being racist” was simply not enough. This was my first moment to be anti-racist, even if it was against those I loved. I responded that part of the reason racism still exists is not just because of the “other people”, but because of thoughts like that. How could we ever see an end if we could never be given the chance to reconcile?

The Heavy Hearts

When these most recent situations of racial injustice took place in our country, activating the Black Lives Matter movement to an even more heightened presence, I found myself, like so many others, lost for words.

Why was this still happening? How can people truly feel this way against a human being? How can serial killers and murderers be viewed as evil, yet racism is so widely accepted and practiced.

In my heart, I knew this issue was deeper than could be expressed. So I stayed still. I stayed silent. I listened. And I observed.

In this time where the sound seemed silent as windows were broken, I asked God to search my heart.

I knew I was not racist, but was there any hate or judgement within me at all? I asked forgiveness for any comments, jokes, or slurs I had ever said at any age, even if it was in the lightest of meaning. I asked forgiveness for any actions I had ever made, any thoughts of judgement I had ever felt. I asked God to tug at my heart for anything of racist or hateful content that came up in my life. My first action in the fight against racism had to start with me.

But I also knew I could not address a topic that I was not familiar with. So here is where I listened – but not to my usual audience. It was time to join in amplifying the melanated voices. As Jesus sought the weak, this was the time for us as white people, as children of God, to support those in need, the oppressed. How could we be of any help to the problems of racism if we had not taken any action to educating ourselves on the reality of it all?

It is imperative to listen and understand the issues of others before we can ever work towards resolving them. Yes, we all go through our own trials. But if a person was mourning the loss of a loved one, would you say, “We all go through things.” Or would you be there to support them?

Search Your Heart

Through conversations with and from the black community, my eyes became opened to things I never even realized were there. From the lack of black books I read my child to the reason color blind isn’t necessarily a desired result. I especially learned that as difficult as these conversations may have seemed, they were nothing but rewarding and received with love every time.

I’m not racist. I never was. But are there still issues in my life that hinder the racial reconciliation my heart truly wants? Definitely. And I ask you to ask yourself the same question. Pray the same prayer of asking God to continually break your heart for what breaks His.

It has become my solid prayer that this spirit of hate and division diminishes against the enemy’s wishes and that a revival of love and boldness overwhelms this nation.

Though I did not have the words in the beginning, I knew God did. And His Word says love, for without love you have nothing. His Word says He shows no favoritism and that Jesus died for all. His Word says hate is murder and only ends in an eternity in hell. Whereas love – loving everyone – covers a multitude of sins.

In the end, man was created in God’s image, and skin is one of God’s most uniquely created designs. So if you hate or even judge a person based off the color of their skin, what does that say about your love for their Creator?