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The Tapestry of Healing
I spent approximately seven months trying to find a doctor who would believe something was wrong with me. It took ten more months for me to no longer be questioned by the medical community, and still over another year to convince the federal government that I was sick enough to be disabled. After almost three years of fighting for my health, I was finally free to rest, recover, and heal. Except I couldn’t. Not fully at least. You spend almost three years trying to convince the world that something is wrong and see how easy it is to stop. My mind had become used to a constant repeat, reciting my…
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Count It All Joy
Earlier this month, I had my second brain surgery. I’ll save the details for another post, but overall it went very well. One might even go as far as to say it was successful – I haven’t had any high pressure symptoms since. The recovery process on the other hand was a different story. While on the surface, all is technically going well, there’s still so much more to recovery that never seems to be seen or heard. Take the post-surgery depression for example. In all honesty, I don’t even want to call it that because I know how much worse it could truly be. There is just no doubt…
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The Truth About Medical Trauma
⊗ Trigger Warning: The following post discusses Medical PTSD & Trauma. Please proceed with caution. “I can shake off everything as I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn.” – Anne Frank There are many reasons I write. Outside of it being my calling, writing can be incredibly therapeutic. Like seeing a therapist, it brings clarity to the situations in my life. Oftentimes, it can feel as if bees are swarming around in my mind. I can’t think straight, and speaking is almost completely out of the question. But writing allows for these “bees” to fly out one at a time and land on each page accordingly. It allows…
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What We Wish You Knew
Not everything is easy to say – especially for someone who battles sickness and pain on a daily basis. But there are many things that we wish you knew. I ask that you take the time today to read through what so many of us with chronic illnesses struggle with on a daily basis. Help us break that silence. I cannot speak for everyone, but I do believe this can speak for many: 1.) Sometimes we don’t want to take medicine. You’ve seen the commercials. We don’t need to tell you the side effects that can come with the medications we take. Some of us can barely even keep track…
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Eight Survival Tips for the Isolated, by the Isolated
I have to say, this time of quarantine has honestly not been so bad. Because for the most part, nothing for me has changed. February 2018, I became too sick to continue going to work. By March, I no longer even had a vehicle. It was just me and my baby home every day all day. And that’s how it’s been nearly every day for the past two years. Now given, I was often too sick to even get out of bed. And yes, many days I had someone there to help me. But it never changed the fact that we were always home and rarely venturing out. So when…
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Depression
⊗ Trigger Warning: This following post contains sensitive material about depression and suicidal thoughts. Please proceed with caution. ⊗ Sometimes I feel brave enough to say it. Sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I feel empowered. I feel stronger. I feel a purpose. And then sometimes I feel nothing but shame. A woman once said not everything has to be shared. I had hoped this could be one of those things. But not everything that is needed to be said is easy to be said. This is that. It has been little over a year since I overcame the very lowest part of my life. But I’m not talking about depression alone.…
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What Are You Afraid Of?
It’s funny. I was the child always terrified of going to the doctor. I was the one who built up major anxiety over visiting the dentist or hospital for a checkup. Who would have thought I would one day have no choice but to overcome my fears. While I thought pregnancy had cleared me of most fear and humility, I was quickly proven wrong. Although both my epidural and blood patch had caused little pain, I was beyond terrified when it came to getting my first spinal tap. As symptoms progressed that summer of 2017, I knew the inevitable was coming, and no amount of mental prepping could relieve my…
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Slow Down
Slow down. Slow down your body. Slow down your mind. Slow down your heart. Life isn’t about quantity. It’s about quality. What sort of quality of life are you living? Slow down and take your time. Do not focus on your progress adding up. Focus on how you’re making that progress – In this moment – Right now. I am not telling you to stop. I’m telling you to pace yourself. I’m not telling you to be lazy. I’m telling you to rest. Just slow down. Solving the Puzzle Blame it on my heritage, but it seems as though I have always had a determination to get from point A…
