Where to Begin

Want to know a secret? I was supposed to launch this outreach a long time ago.

It began in the hospital one February night in 2018. While one could argue it was the high dose of IV steroids I had just received, I knew it was something greater. God was speaking to me, and words were pouring into my heart and overflowing faster than I could get them out.

I needed to write. I needed to share these words with the rest of the world. But how? When? Where would I even start?

I soon saw that none of that mattered. All that was important was that God had begun to work, and He who begins a good work will complete it till the end (Philippians 1:6).

Suffering Produces Perseverance

February. March. April. Months went by with countless lessons and revelations. I was learning all of the ropes that come with being chronically ill. God was pouring into me, begging for me to draw closer to Him. My life was falling apart, but I knew all God wanted from me was to write.

And I didn’t. Instead, I fought my sickness and focused more on all of the trials around me. My mind was clouded, and I could find no focus for what I was supposed to be doing.

Then came August of 2018, where I finally felt healed of my sickness. I was ready to share my testimony and help others. And I finally knew how: Weather in April.

I spent all month researching everything having to do with websites. I had more ideas to write about than I knew what to do with. It had been months in the waiting, but I was finally ready.

And then I got sick again. Then I realized I had not been healed, that the surgery failed. My testimony was gone. After all, how can you write a story when you have no ending? This sickness was obviously going to be a never ending journey.

I gave up. I spent days on the couch or in bed mindlessly watching forensic shows on tv. My brother even felt the need to pop in on me because I had been unusually nonexistent.

I felt hopeless. My desire to write vanished. How could I ever help people if I still couldn’t even help myself?

Perserverence Produces Character

But just like with every other drowning water I had been in, God reached in and saved me. He showed me the meaning behind suffering for His kingdom. How could I truly help others if I wasn’t right there with them battling the storms? How could I encourage them to fight if I wasn’t proving myself a fighter.

For the next five months, I battled sickness while my life collapsed even more around me. I struggled to write and could never seem to get far with my mission. I knew I couldn’t give up though.

Finally, in late February of 2019, with my life feeling like the aftermath of a hurricane, I had a much needed break. I was able to write again. I was able to research again. I was able to organize my thoughts to make my purpose come to life.

I set goals. I worked hard. I kept my eyes on God, and my desires began to line up with His.

Character Produces Hope

May 1, 2019, Weather in April was launched. Over a year in the making, and it was finally out. I could now help others who were going through all I had gone through. I could now build a support team and spread awareness for the incurable, invisible illnesses. And most importantly, I could share my testimony.

Sometimes I think I disobeyed God by not launching sooner. Sometimes I regret missing out on all of the people I could have helped had I already been out there. But I know everything happens in God’s timing. I know I needed to go through a lot more and grow a lot stronger before I could take this step. I needed to feel pain. I needed to feel fear, to be discouraged, depressed, lonely, tired, and everything else that the sick feel.

The best thing though is feeling as if God gave me a second chance. All of the thoughts and ideas that swarmed around my mind that February night have returned. The trial I went through never took them from my memory but only enhanced their beauty. God truly did see His good work till the end, which is only a new beginning for me. I am thankful to serve a God who never gave up on me and strengthened me with the hope to make sure I never gave up on Him.

So now, where do I begin?